Liana

Liana

“Under ‘normal’ circumstances, you have time to plan everything: you choose the destination, you go to a travel agency, you gather information about the route and the most convenient means of transport; you book hotels and make a note of interesting places to visit… You plan a trip and look forward to it: you want to leave to discover new places, meet new people, try new foods, experience new cultures. The journey is your dream come true: first, you create it in your mind, then you live it in reality, and you are happy twice…

Sometimes, however, you have to get up and go just like that, at a moment’s notice, without even having time to think about what you’ll need, or what you’ll have to bring with you. Urgency, the unexpected, crashes into your day, and with a sharp, decisive cut, it severs you from what has been, leaving you there, alone, without luggage, without a destination (because even that is hidden from you), looking not towards the future (the idea of the future is too immense, too expanded, too…long!), but simply at the bare, stark tomorrow.

Disoriented, you remain disoriented, stunned, paralyzed. Yet, you move; you’ve started, without realizing it, a journey: you are motionless, but you are falling! The irony of fate, which can be truly caustic at times… often; the sarcasm of destiny: you’re standing still, and yet you’re running, without a suitcase.

That’s how I felt when a doctor, with a sad look in his eyes, told me: ‘Your baby’s heart no longer beats…’

I couldn’t understand why it had happened to me. I knew it was a fairly common event, but I couldn’t accept that it had affected our family. I felt guilty because, perhaps, I had overdone things, but deep down, I felt that there was something more. If this had happened, there had to be a reason.

So when, a few weeks later, another doctor completed the already bleak picture by uttering those words that no one ever wants to hear: ‘Ma’am, the biopsy results raise strong suspicions. You have an oncology appointment tomorrow!’ – my world came crashing down on me!”