Loving father
Substance Use Disorder (SUD)
Milan, Italy
"I lived a superficial life. And what it has given me over the years is deservedly the consequence of all that, and I am aware of it. I haven't spoken to my mother for more than ten years. She never accepted the life choices I made, such as not continuing my university studies near home, where I was born and raised in the heart of Naples. I miss my city a lot, much more than I miss my mother at the moment. The tattoo of the relic of the blood of San Gennaro on my arm remains a memory of a wonderful city that I try to carry with me wherever I go.
I am divorced, and have been for a few years now. My daughter V. suffers from autism. I moved here to be closer to her. Over time, I have learned to accept that every bad life decision I made has its deserved consequence. I have come to terms with not having led a righteous life, even in respect to the family I built with my ex-partner, wasting money and important friendships. Getting disrespected by people close and dear to me is something I have gotten used to and accept with a certain serenity. What I cannot stand is any attempt to take away the respect from the joyful and bright eyes of my daughter. Few true ambitions remain for me. Protecting and nurturing the love for my new family and my deep love for my daughter remains an ambition, or rather, the sole and primary reason for my life from this moment forward.
I have always loved that thrill and adrenaline that every life change brings. I tattooed the parrot to remember my grandmother. I grew up with her for most of my life. Growing up in her house, we had this parrot that was allowed to fly freely around the house whenever I lost my temper and behaved uncontrollably. The parrot reminds me of the dark days, the difficult times when I would spend days acting excessively and impulsively, pushing myself to find more extreme ways to feel that thrill that had become an addiction in my mind. I used drugs for a long time. It seems obvious to say that I am not proud of it at all. Perhaps because growing up in a difficult family environment, I see my behavior as almost obligatory.
Nevertheless, my grandmother always accepted who I was, even in those dark moments. She loved me, a love that I found hard to return over time. I remember the parrot as a symbol of perhaps the most delicate period of my childhood. And my grandmother, whom I always tried to love in my own way.
When my daughter was born, at the very moment of her birth, I remember having a general blackout. At that moment, I relived all the bad moments of my life. When I saw and heard my daughter for the first time, that was the end of all those 'no' moments that had characterized my life. I heard my daughter fall, like a unique and indistinct sound, on that mat next to her mother's legs. The swallow on my arm represents spring, and that unforgettable moment when my daughter helped me become a man, a father, aware of his past and now changed. My daughter remains my only reason for living."
